joy in discipline

"The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of his being."

The innermost parts are ugly, disgusting, and many of us choose to ignore them or cover them up. They become stored away, rusting and covered with dust in hopes they will disappear one day. Out of sight out of mind, right? The problems that steal at your joy seem surface and "easy" to fix. So you begin to try to "fix" those issues, and as you dig, you realize the problem is a lot bigger than anything you remember. It is overwhelming and relieving. Frightening and freedom. It's discipline and love. 

When something is wrong with your physical body and you have to go to the doctor, the terrifying part comes in the unknown...not knowing what the disease is.  Once you go through a series of tests, you figure out that all of the symptoms have one major source. The symptoms is not your problem, the disease is. The doctor begins to treat the disease and the symptoms clear with the healing.  

We are sick. We have symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, loneliness, fear. Those however are not our cancer. We must allow our spirit and the Holy Spirit to test our hearts for the disease that plagues our joy. What is hidden so far in your heart, you choose to ignore it because of the pain that recovered? What symptoms are killing your joy for life, because you choose to ignore the diagnosis? 

The LORD is your healer. He is great at taking the sickness, diagnosing it for what is really is, and doing whatever is necessary to heal it, from the inside out. Discipline is necessary for healing. For joy. For life. We make lousy doctors, horrible healers. We are really good at putting on band-aids. It's time to strip it all off, and let the one who created and molded our hearts to heal them. It hurts, but the pain is glorious compared to the death that awaits us if we do nothing. 

"I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full." - Jesus the Healer.

joy in a charter bus with 50 people...

Joy has not been easily found in the past few weeks... or months.  It has not been constant. It has been a struggle to find enough to fake it. But I have found, that joy is not something you find or lose. Joy never left me. God brings joy to His children, He desires to give them the fullest life imaginable. For me, a full life is one overflowing with joy. Deeper than any desire. Because joy is contagious. 

Digging in drawers as I prepare for Mission Trip '09 with the church, I found an old journal. A lose piece of paper fell out. It was a verse that I wrote back in the fall. The verse from Psalm 4 jumped from the page....

So what does mission trip 09 hold? I have no idea...:) But I can't wait....for that "greater joy"!

• Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.

• You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.

• I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

what to do when you have no clue where the joy is...

I can feel it coming over me,
All the weight of what this fear can bring.
I know on my own I can't survive,
And I'm fading fast now.

I'm closing in on what's in store for me,
All the rest in your security.
I'm holding on to the words You speak,

And You're speaking clear now.
I'm running fast to seek Your face,
Head first I dive into Your grace.

You are my fortress,
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I'm taking hold of what's in front of me,
A place where I can rest my weary feet.
There's no other place that I can go,
So I'm waiting here now.

I'm letting go what the world will bring,
A sanctuary that will never breathe.
I found my heart in that place before,
But I'll never go back.

I get lost within that place,
The place where I'll always wish I stay.

Oh, You are the only one,
Only one I rest my life in Lord.
You are my hope,
My strength, my life, my peace.
My rock, my joy, my everything now, oh.
You are the refuge where I hide,
You are the only one I rest my life in.

joy is found through hardships..

I got to taste a little piece of what it means to grow up today. I had to find a new doctor. All on my own, not picked out by my parents. This morning, I woke up to find both of my eyes blood-shot red. Not good, I thought. I might want to get some new contacts. :) 

When it came time to pay for the appointment (after being told I had a double eye infection), i pulled out my insurance card and gave it to the receptionist. She was annoyed that she had to call the insurance people, b/c my name wasn't pulling up in the system. I knew I had insurance, my pay-check says so! But the small feeling of fear rushed over me. "What if I don't have insurance, what am I going to do??" I can't imagine the real fear people you don't have insurance at all feel when they get sick or their kids get sick and have to go the doctor. "How am I going to pay for this, when I can't even afford insurance?" 

At youth group tonight, Chad mentioned that 1% of students in Cy-Fair district were Christians!!! ONE PERCENT! It broke my heart to think of the students that walk around everyday NOT knowing Jesus and resting in His peace. They carry the biggest loads of sin, pain, and struggles and no one to turn to. How do they do it? The two situations tie hand in hand. Just because you have insurance does not write you off for never having pain or getting sick, but  provides a way for you to get better, faster through doctor's help. Just because you are a Christian does not mean you will not have struggles or pain, it just means that you have Someone who is there to make you better, faster, and to give you a plan for your life.  I am a child of the MOST HIGH GOD and I still struggles to make it day by day. How awful for those who have no clue??

There are a group of students, 99%, that need Jesus.  They need Him to get through life, to give them life, to give their life meaning and purpose.  How will they hear? How will they know? 99% is too high of a number for me. However, nothing is impossible with God, through God, for God...so 99% percent....HERE WE COME!!!

You are the God of this city...Cy-Fair school district...and Cypress Student Ministry! Greater things are yet to come! I watch. I wait. My eyes (bloodshot and infection and all) look towards Heaven. Waiting. I'm ready. Send me! 

joy is found in pain?

• Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

• because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

• Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I don't quite understand the full meaning of joy. I think that joy and hope have to go hand in hand.  When the world is losing color faster and faster day by day, and all "happiness" is cleared away, where does joy set in?  I think that is when hope comes into play. We must have hope that the "brighter days" are coming. I am not only enduring the pain, i am being molded and shaped through that pain. Tomorrow could not be what it is, if it were not for the lessons learned today.

So what happens when your world turns into a brand new coloring book. Never shown the true potential of the beauty of the pages once color is added. You can see that the pages are suppose to be used for so much more, but you don't know where to find crayons to transform the pages. You end up staring at the page, never knowing. It's not that your passion for coloring and drawing went away, you just can't seem to pick up the markers anymore. No rhyme or reason. No warning. Hope becomes the thing you hold on to, for at one time you saw and experienced the beauty of the colors. You hope for that day to return sooner than later.

Joy is found outside cold stone

I absolutely loved talking outside with some of my girls tonight.

It was such an encouragement to hear how much they loved the group because of the fact that they felt loved and accepted and that they weren't alone in their problems. I think joy is restored when the truth is exposed. Our zeal for life is lost when we are constrained by our burdens, because we try to carry themselves. We chatted tonight about how amazing it is to hear that another girl deals with the same struggle. Knowing that alone lifts some of the burden. You don't beat yourself up as much, knowing that other girls are dealing with it and have gotten through it. We were not meant to walk this world alone.  My joy is found through the little things in life. Such as conversations, hugs, and walking through life with others. Sharing laughter (if that even makes sense, it as printed on the inside of my jeans).