joy in the unknown

When I can’t see the next step...

I see your face.

When I can’t feel my way in the dark...

My hand is firm in your grip.

I don’t know...

but You do.

I can’t understand Your ways...

I wouldn’t understand if you told me.

I don’t have to know...

You do.

My world is in Your hands.

Your will is not in mine.

I close my mouth

I listen to the words that comes on your every breath.

I rest in peace

My Jesus holds my world in His hands.

He knows what He is doing.

I’ve never been more thankful.

As humans, we love to see others do the impossible. But as soon as the spotlight comes on us, our faith is weakened beyond belief and we are struck dumb. Anything that scares us or seems impossible can be done by anyone but ourselves. But what happens when you see someone complete what looked to be unthinkable.

One of the biggest hit shows of the last decade has been the Biggest Loser. Why is watching a bunch of overweight strangers workout and try to eat healthy while sneaking Twinkies in their room appealing? They are doing what the world says is "impossible". The end of the season becomes the biggest inspiration to the rest of the nation watching from the couch to do the impossible in our lives.

We can't do the impossible on our own strength. But we serve the God who majors in the impossible. Pick any story in the Bible and I prove my point. One of my favorite stories is God accomplishing the most impossible task to humans...Mary's pregnancy.

She couldn't see the future, she was living day by day on faith and seeking God's face.

Her world was dark and unsupportive around her, she held on to the grasp of God's faithfulness.

She didn't know what He was up to, but OH how well HE knew what He was doing!

She would have freaked out if God had told her what was going on! He knows best!

Her world was in His hands...the whole world laid in the hands of the One she was carrying.

She choose not to argue, but to dwell on the words of comfort from her Lord.

She rested in peace as she held her Jesus in her arms, knowing one day He would do the same for her.

I can say without a doubt she was thankful for that God knew what He was doing!

Whatever situation you are blinded to right now, rest in the one who sees not only what is going on, but understands the fears and concerns of your heart and wants to put them to rest in His peace.

joy in laughing

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried, stopped breathing, or became speechless?

My favorite result of laughter is finally taking the breath that has been locked inside by fear or pain. It's the all famous *sigh*. You don't even realize that you haven't been able to take a sigh of relief until someone takes you off guard and makes you laugh.  

That's what fear does to you. It steals your laughter, your smile, your joy. Fear captivates your attention. You choose to invite fear in, to entertain it, feed it, and let it dwell or kill it. 

You kill fear by choosing joy, choosing to laugh at the days to come. (see prov. 31:25 below)

• "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 

I get scared a lot.  I fear the future changing and not knowing where it will take me or leave me. The unknown freaks me out. Fear tells me to focus on myself and how "unfair" the unknown is. 

Fear is like a bad friend, telling you what you want to hear to pull you to their side.  As you lean on fear to hold you up through the unknown, it puts the finishing touch of "bad friend" by stabbing you in the back and robbing you of the joy of the moment. 

Joy comes when you look at fear in the face, slam the door, and return to your sweet fellowship with the Lord. Oh, He is so good to me. He knows the future, and I know Him. Therefore, I do not know fear. I know protection, acceptance, love, and pure joy. Joy in laughter. Joy in looking the biggest, scariest future situation in the face, and laughing because I know the best is yet to be. 

"Hey, if you can't laugh at life then you might as well make others laugh at it."

joy in a brace

Being in a brace around your entire stomach/back is a strange place to find joy. 

I was in a jet ski accident over a week ago and for six days I walked very gingerly and very cautiously, as if not to bump into anything or let anyone hurt my back. I was weak and the bones in my back and in my ribs were VERY weak. When I finally arrived at the doctor, he pulled out a brace for me to wear and very tightly snugged it on my mid-section.  It took a long time to get used to having a "restraint" on me, but as soon as I got off the cold doctor's table, I realized it was easier to stand up. It was easier to walk, to get in and out of the car, and easier to bend over and get something off the floor. 

WHY was something easier when there was more restraint??? Because it gave my fragile bones support. No longer was it solely dependent on my cracked vertebrate to allow me to move, they could depend on something much stronger. 

"For you were called to freedom, only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." Gal 5:13

Although I had been given an extra support for my back, that didn't mean I ran out of the building and went to start training for a race. I didn't begin to lift anything over 20 pounds (doctor's orders). I continued in the same pattern I had before, I didn't have to rely on my own strength anymore though.  

We all are weak and fragile. Our bones cannot handle the pressure the world throws our way. We are already broken and there is Someone that wants to put us back together and heal us (see Isaiah 61:1-3).  We can try to walk and heal on our own, but we only do ourselves more damage. God showed me very clearly this morning as I put my brace on to wear for the entire day, that His grace is my brace in life. Because I have been given this amazing gift of grace that supports me and sustains me through life, does that give me reason to abuse it or claim it as my own ability? Paul says "May it Never Be!" 

DO not resist the brace or grace in your life, allow it to do the healing that is necessary for your broken bones.  As your bones heal, use the strength and support He gives to in turn bless someone else's life and love them through your pain. It brings healing. 

Through every heartache and pain, there is hope that we cling to and His name is Jehovah Rapha - the LORD is my Healer!!! And what better place to find joy then in the arms of the One who wipes away your tears. 

*listen to the song "Healer" by Kari Jobe. A.maz.ing! 

Joy in LOOOOOOVE!

NO I don't mean the type of love that makes you weak at the knees, for this love means giving everything you have and becoming stronger. Climbing into the arms of the Almighty. Love does not make you weak....oh the power you receive!

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart (passions), and soul (prayers), and all your mind (intelligence)." Matthew 22:37.

I had my mentor ask me what my goal in life was. Hard question. Ask yourself what it would be for you. I said that I wanted to bring God glory through my life. Good answer. Text book answer. Here is what I do though. I see the goal in mind and do whatever I have to in order to accomplish the task. I play a great Christian. I have had people compliment me on my walk with God, that His light shines through me, etc, blah blah blah. How many times is that completely genuine on my part. I am a fabulous actor. I do not love. I am weak. I can do nothing on my own. I can't even become humble on my own. Quiet times are routine, Bible study is a check off the list. I am not love. Christ is not glorified in my life. You feeling the pain yet? You depressed that you can never be that awesome Christian you strive to be? Good. Let's start with the basic.

We do not become better Christians through our own ability. God shines though us brighter and more often not through our actions. He is great, powerful, loving, amazing to us and we respond to His goodness. Everything we do is simply a reaction to the Almighty.  How do you react to God?

Here is a challenge for you...stop being a Christian, stop trying so hard. Put everything you know about living a "godly life" aside and do ONE THING.......

Love God. Respond accordingly to what He has done in your life. Tell me what happens. He is glorified and you are strong. 

Joy in the resurrection.

No this is not the title just because Easter is around the corner. The resurrection proves to be our joy for life. Our hope is put completely on one weekend, 2000 years ago. The weekend we celebrate today as Easter. 

"What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus has been raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for." 1 peter 1:3

Our hope is centered completely around the fact that no matter what we are going through in life, no matter the trial, the suffering, the darkness, we serve a God who has conquered all of that in his life and continued to put it to death once and for all on the cross. Sin was defeated on the cross. Hope came in the resurrection! Because we have a God that not only died for us and became the punishment for our sin, we have a hope of living eternally with HIM! That is joy enough for us. But God didn't stop there, He wrote the next chapter. 

The next miracle came when He brought us fullness of joy. The resurrection! He not only died for us, He rose from the dead and brought with him the hope that we live for now! This is what we live for. Until we get to step foot into our eternal kingdom when He returns, He allows us to have a taste of it here on earth. Now that is joy! 

Why do we stumble, why do we fail? Our hope is not in Christ Jesus and His resurrection. Do we still consider Him dead? His power useless? We take it upon ourselves, and we fail every single time. Our power is useless and dead, unless it comes from the resurrected Lord! 

Christopher Reeve once said, "Once you choose hope, anything is possible." I say that once you choose to put your hope IN CHRIST, anything is possible. Hope is something that comes from the nearness of God.  You can hope in something that you trust, but how can you trust someone you do not know?  The more you get to know God through time spend with Him daily, the more you trust Him. Your hope is placed in the ones you trust. 

We see hope differently than the world. We see hope being in God alone for we trust that whatever He has planned is for our good and His glory. He is going to carry us through no matter what. The world's hope is found in things and people that can leave us and die. 

This is why Peter challenges the followers to "set apart Christ as Lord in your heart, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." Easter weekend is a time for us to show the world the hope we live for everyday, Christ and His resurrection. 

But when someone who needs joy in their life, they need a little hope to keep them going, if they look at me, can they find the source of that joy and hope? Or do they see someone who doesn't even believe in the hope they proclaim?

my idea of joy was different than this

He did not come and die for me in order for joy to look like this in my life. He wanted more. He created more. He did not come in order for me to be put into bondage. He came to set me free. For where the joy of the Lord is, there is freedom! Freedom from sin, freedom from addiction, freedom from FEAR! 

Fear is the opposite of joy in my books. If I am relax about something and I'm really not concerned about how something is going to turn out, I am happy. Truly happy. Lately, I have mastered the art of being fearful. Therefore, I have lost in the area of joy. 

Joy is the light in the darkness of fear. 

Why joy in the middle of fear/anxiety/worry? The LORD is my Shepherd, I will not want. He provides everything I need. When I feel protected, full, and at peace, I am happy and joyful no matter what grey clouds cover my sky. 

I don't let Him protect, I think I have someone stronger. 

I don't let Him feed me, I would rather go get breakfast.

I don't let Him calm me down, I am too busy in the arms of another. 

How can I hear my Shepherds voice in the busyness? I have forgotten what it sounds like due to my new music I just had to know. Why is my life consumed with fear/worry/anxiety? There is a void from pain and hurt and it has taken up residency. 

"Be still and KNOW that I am God." Sometimes all we can do is sit with our knowledge and remind ourselves that He is God, no matter what I think or do. Thank goodness He has a tight grip on his stubborn child. 

joy in discipline

"The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of his being."

The innermost parts are ugly, disgusting, and many of us choose to ignore them or cover them up. They become stored away, rusting and covered with dust in hopes they will disappear one day. Out of sight out of mind, right? The problems that steal at your joy seem surface and "easy" to fix. So you begin to try to "fix" those issues, and as you dig, you realize the problem is a lot bigger than anything you remember. It is overwhelming and relieving. Frightening and freedom. It's discipline and love. 

When something is wrong with your physical body and you have to go to the doctor, the terrifying part comes in the unknown...not knowing what the disease is.  Once you go through a series of tests, you figure out that all of the symptoms have one major source. The symptoms is not your problem, the disease is. The doctor begins to treat the disease and the symptoms clear with the healing.  

We are sick. We have symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, loneliness, fear. Those however are not our cancer. We must allow our spirit and the Holy Spirit to test our hearts for the disease that plagues our joy. What is hidden so far in your heart, you choose to ignore it because of the pain that recovered? What symptoms are killing your joy for life, because you choose to ignore the diagnosis? 

The LORD is your healer. He is great at taking the sickness, diagnosing it for what is really is, and doing whatever is necessary to heal it, from the inside out. Discipline is necessary for healing. For joy. For life. We make lousy doctors, horrible healers. We are really good at putting on band-aids. It's time to strip it all off, and let the one who created and molded our hearts to heal them. It hurts, but the pain is glorious compared to the death that awaits us if we do nothing. 

"I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full." - Jesus the Healer.

joy in a charter bus with 50 people...

Joy has not been easily found in the past few weeks... or months.  It has not been constant. It has been a struggle to find enough to fake it. But I have found, that joy is not something you find or lose. Joy never left me. God brings joy to His children, He desires to give them the fullest life imaginable. For me, a full life is one overflowing with joy. Deeper than any desire. Because joy is contagious. 

Digging in drawers as I prepare for Mission Trip '09 with the church, I found an old journal. A lose piece of paper fell out. It was a verse that I wrote back in the fall. The verse from Psalm 4 jumped from the page....

So what does mission trip 09 hold? I have no idea...:) But I can't wait....for that "greater joy"!

• Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.

• You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.

• I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

what to do when you have no clue where the joy is...

I can feel it coming over me,
All the weight of what this fear can bring.
I know on my own I can't survive,
And I'm fading fast now.

I'm closing in on what's in store for me,
All the rest in your security.
I'm holding on to the words You speak,

And You're speaking clear now.
I'm running fast to seek Your face,
Head first I dive into Your grace.

You are my fortress,
You are the refuge where I hide.
You are the strength when I can't fight,
You are the only one I rest my life in.
You are the only hope I find,
You are my only peace of mind.
You are the only one I rest my life in.

I'm taking hold of what's in front of me,
A place where I can rest my weary feet.
There's no other place that I can go,
So I'm waiting here now.

I'm letting go what the world will bring,
A sanctuary that will never breathe.
I found my heart in that place before,
But I'll never go back.

I get lost within that place,
The place where I'll always wish I stay.

Oh, You are the only one,
Only one I rest my life in Lord.
You are my hope,
My strength, my life, my peace.
My rock, my joy, my everything now, oh.
You are the refuge where I hide,
You are the only one I rest my life in.

joy is found through hardships..

I got to taste a little piece of what it means to grow up today. I had to find a new doctor. All on my own, not picked out by my parents. This morning, I woke up to find both of my eyes blood-shot red. Not good, I thought. I might want to get some new contacts. :) 

When it came time to pay for the appointment (after being told I had a double eye infection), i pulled out my insurance card and gave it to the receptionist. She was annoyed that she had to call the insurance people, b/c my name wasn't pulling up in the system. I knew I had insurance, my pay-check says so! But the small feeling of fear rushed over me. "What if I don't have insurance, what am I going to do??" I can't imagine the real fear people you don't have insurance at all feel when they get sick or their kids get sick and have to go the doctor. "How am I going to pay for this, when I can't even afford insurance?" 

At youth group tonight, Chad mentioned that 1% of students in Cy-Fair district were Christians!!! ONE PERCENT! It broke my heart to think of the students that walk around everyday NOT knowing Jesus and resting in His peace. They carry the biggest loads of sin, pain, and struggles and no one to turn to. How do they do it? The two situations tie hand in hand. Just because you have insurance does not write you off for never having pain or getting sick, but  provides a way for you to get better, faster through doctor's help. Just because you are a Christian does not mean you will not have struggles or pain, it just means that you have Someone who is there to make you better, faster, and to give you a plan for your life.  I am a child of the MOST HIGH GOD and I still struggles to make it day by day. How awful for those who have no clue??

There are a group of students, 99%, that need Jesus.  They need Him to get through life, to give them life, to give their life meaning and purpose.  How will they hear? How will they know? 99% is too high of a number for me. However, nothing is impossible with God, through God, for God...so 99% percent....HERE WE COME!!!

You are the God of this city...Cy-Fair school district...and Cypress Student Ministry! Greater things are yet to come! I watch. I wait. My eyes (bloodshot and infection and all) look towards Heaven. Waiting. I'm ready. Send me! 

joy is found in pain?

• Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

• because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

• Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I don't quite understand the full meaning of joy. I think that joy and hope have to go hand in hand.  When the world is losing color faster and faster day by day, and all "happiness" is cleared away, where does joy set in?  I think that is when hope comes into play. We must have hope that the "brighter days" are coming. I am not only enduring the pain, i am being molded and shaped through that pain. Tomorrow could not be what it is, if it were not for the lessons learned today.

So what happens when your world turns into a brand new coloring book. Never shown the true potential of the beauty of the pages once color is added. You can see that the pages are suppose to be used for so much more, but you don't know where to find crayons to transform the pages. You end up staring at the page, never knowing. It's not that your passion for coloring and drawing went away, you just can't seem to pick up the markers anymore. No rhyme or reason. No warning. Hope becomes the thing you hold on to, for at one time you saw and experienced the beauty of the colors. You hope for that day to return sooner than later.

Joy is found outside cold stone

I absolutely loved talking outside with some of my girls tonight.

It was such an encouragement to hear how much they loved the group because of the fact that they felt loved and accepted and that they weren't alone in their problems. I think joy is restored when the truth is exposed. Our zeal for life is lost when we are constrained by our burdens, because we try to carry themselves. We chatted tonight about how amazing it is to hear that another girl deals with the same struggle. Knowing that alone lifts some of the burden. You don't beat yourself up as much, knowing that other girls are dealing with it and have gotten through it. We were not meant to walk this world alone.  My joy is found through the little things in life. Such as conversations, hugs, and walking through life with others. Sharing laughter (if that even makes sense, it as printed on the inside of my jeans).